Why I always fall in love with who I shouldn't

Why I always fall in love with who I shouldn't

Love is a feeling that many people find difficult to understand. One of the usual situations is to fall in love with people who, as they say, we should not. The reason? We'll tell you then.


  • 1 A wrong perspective
  • 2 Low self-esteem
  • 3 Streamline the crush

A wrong perspective

The first thing to know if this happens to us is that there is a factor that determines everything: it's about idealization. And it is that when we fall in love with a person who does not belong to us as we want him to do, we are actually doing it as an ideal, something we would like to live but we are not experiencing.

There may be different scenarios. One of them is that we fall in love with someone who does not feel the same and that an emotional relationship with that person is never directly initiated. In such a case, idealization occurs by imagining what a relationship would be like that, in reality, we don't know if it would be as positive as our mind makes us see.

Another of the usual situations is to fall in love and start a relationship with a person that does not make us happy. This may be for incompatibility of characters, expectations, life projects, or directly because our partner fails us or is not sincere.

In both cases, the person develops a great frustration, since he bets to fight for a type of relationship that he does not live. This causes him to end up having behaviors that make him feel unhappy and unhappy, trying to change the attitude or feelings of the other person at all costs.

In any of these situations, it is urgent to establish a change in the mind of the affected person. It is a change of perspective, the approach to the situation and to understand what depends on oneself, and know how to see what is caused by a distorted view of reality.

Low self-esteem

In most cases in which a person falls in love with someone who should not, the lack of selfesteem of the affected. This can come with previous problems, which makes him focus on people who do not give him what he needs.

This occurs, above all, because the person himself does not put his own needs first, but becomes obsessed with making or being the person he thinks the other will like. This makes it tend to look through the eyes of the person he feels he is in love with.

So, the person in love tends to be seen and valued through the opinion and judgment of the other, becoming this fact to be very harmful for himself. The conclusion he draws is that he has fallen in love with who should not, but the reality may be that he has not loved himself enough.

One of the main dangers to avoid at all costs is to think that fighting for the goal will make us achieve it. This can happen in the case that the other person is also willing to do it for us, but never if he is not willing and clearly demonstrates it with his behavior.

Therefore, we must avoid falling into the self-deception and promote self-respect, since only in this way can we deal with a situation that can be very harmful to us if we don't know how to stop it in time.

Streamline the crush

The solution to this situation is to rationalize the process of crush. For this, we must know how to detect the signals or data that make us see that we should not get more involved in the relationship with another person and thus avoid feeding that feeling that has caused us.

Experience in this sense is a degree, since we can notice behaviors that have already hurt us before. It is also convenient in this case to try to abstract from the situation itself and do the exercise of seeing it as an external person would to the relationship.

This will help us to have perspective of the situation and to see ourselves from outside. In the event that we are not proud of the role we are assuming, it is preferable to put distance.

Although at first it may seem difficult, the passage of time will close wounds and dilute the memory of what at a particular moment seems an insurmountable issue. In that case, it will help us focus our energy on some project that excites us and help us improve our self-esteem.

Although it may not seem like it, falling in love with the wrong person is something quite common, but best of all, it has no choice. It is only necessary to understand why this happens, deepen our own self-knowledge and, above all, promote our self-esteem to not end up making misguided decisions that end up causing us suffering.