Profile of the abuser: What is seen and what is not seen

Profile of the abuser: What is seen and what is not seen

Battering profile

In these times, the violence Gender is more topical than ever. And not because it happens more often, but because society is much more aware. Today, we talk about what is the profile of the abuser.


  • 1 The iceberg of abuse
  • 2 The psychological abuse
  • 3 The profile of the abuser

The iceberg of abuse

The best way to start talking about abuse is to imagine an iceberg. As you well know, an iceberg is a mass of ice that only has 20% of its total volume on the surface of the water. The other 80% is underwater.

The same happens with abuse: The visible forms of abuse are only 20%, but there is an 80% that remains hidden, which is invisible. Likewise, abuse can be divided into explicit and subtle forms.

Explicit forms of abuse may be visible and invisible, but subtle forms are always invisible. And, of course, the fact that they are invisible makes it difficult to realize that they are occurring.

But what kind of forms of violence occur in each case? Let's talk about the distinction between explicit and subtle ways to see it.

Within subtle forms, we can see the following:

  • Sexist humor.
  • Control of the couple.
  • Invisibilization
  • Annulment.

Within the explicit forms, we find the following:

  • Guilty
  • Emotional blackmail.
  • Contempt.
  • Ignore the couple.
  • Humble and devalue.
  • To insult.
  • To threat.
  • Shout.
  • Sexually abuse
  • Rape.
  • Physically assault
  • Murder.

As you can see, from the first point to the last, there is a “progression” from more to less subtle, ending the fatal consequence of the murder. To not reach that point, you have to realize the previous points.

In addition, it is worth noting the fact that the points that go from blame to humiliation and devaluation remain invisible. That is, while a scream is something visible, The fact that your partner devalue you is not something you see.

Psychological abuse

Given the differences above, we must understand what psychological abuse is and what is its importance to prevent more serious forms of abuse (Although psychological abuse is already serious in itself).

Within psychological abuse, we can find all forms of invisible abuse that we have defined above. But, in addition, it should be borne in mind that acts of visible abuse also have a psychological effect.

What is the role of psychological abuse from the point of view of the abuser? Cancel the victim so he can do with her what he wants, making her believe that the fault of what is happening is his.

As you can imagine, no woman would tolerate a slap of the first. Hence, the abuser is responsible for canceling the victim little by little, until we get to the point that this slap does not cause the woman to abandon him.

That is the danger of not being able to see when you are being psychologically abused: You can get to the point of accepting that you deserved the slap.

And it is important to mention here that it is not something strange. It has nothing to do with "being a weak woman." It is a mental trap in which any person (men included) can fall, and That is why so much emphasis is placed on seeking help to get out of it.

The abuser's profile

Understood the above, We can go on to see some basic characteristics of the abuser. If you see these features in your partner ... We recommend that you stay away from him, or at least keep your eyes wide open:

  1. It is intolerant.
  2. It's lovely, but only at the beginning.
  3. It is authoritarian.
  4. It is psychologically rigid.
  5. It presents a dichotomous thought.
  6. He is a blackmailer.
  7. He is unable to do self-criticism.
  8. Despite the above, he is very critical of others.
  9. You have mood swings easily.
  10. It is easily offended.
  11. Try to isolate yourself.
  12. It is cruel and insensitive.
  13. He does not regret it.
  14. He makes promises that, later, he doesn't keep.
  15. It is controller.
  16. He has no emotional control.
  17. Does not stop.
  18. It is seductive.
  19. It is liar.
  20. He becomes the victim.
  21. It has a low empathy.

Naturally, having one of these traits does not make you an abuser. Neither have two, nor three (although it depends on which one, of course). Nevertheless, If you see that your partner has several of these points, it is best to go carefully.

None of those points is positive. Therefore, a good idea if you are in the early stages of the relationship is to let them see and try to change that behavior trait. If this is not possible, it may be best to leave the relationship before it is late.

As you can see, the abuser's profile It is relatively simple. However, most of the problems come from the fact that much of the abuse that occurs goes unnoticed. You have to be able to detect them quickly to end that toxic relationship as soon as possible.

It may interest you:
Signs that you are being mistreated
Emotionally abusive relationships, gaslihgting