In detail

Marriage without sex, can it work?

Marriage without sex, can it work?

Content

  • 1 Are you in a marriage without sex?
  • 2 Meaning of sex in marriage
  • 3 Is sex really that important for a marriage?
  • 4 Can you have a happy marriage without sex?
  • 5 What to do to recover sexual life in marriage?
  • 6 To finish

Are you in a marriage without sex?

Many couples believe they are the only ones to whom something like this happens, that all other marriages have relationships on a regular basis, but the reality is very different. There are numerous couples who, after a facade of happiness, live together and sleep in the same bed without touching each other.

In Japan, a study revealed that half of marriages barely had sex throughout the year. More than 22% of women said they found sex 'problematic', while 35.2% of men said that work left them 'very tired' to practice intercourse at home. But the worst thing is that it seems that this trend continues to increase and that it also affects other developed countries where endless working hours are held.

Apparently, the stress and the demands of modern life have led 1 in 5 stable couples to a marriage (almost) without sex.

Meaning of sex in marriage

The sex is the state of intimacy highest physics we can achieve with another person. It is something stimulating, cheerful, fun and almost spiritual, it is essential in a man and a woman when they fall in love and start a relationship. But in marriage, especially when there are young children, if both partners have jobs outside the home, workloads and general responsibility, they make sex often go to the background or even a burden. And this is usually a problem for long-term marriage.

Is sex really that important for a marriage?

Although many studies have been done on the impact of sex on marriage, in reality There are no generalities that can be applicable to all couples. Even so, most research has shown couples who say they have sex more frequently, showed a higher level of happiness. And although all this may be very questionable, studies support the idea that sex correlates with happiness in marriage.

Apparently, sex within marriage allows the couple to create deeper intimacy through a deeper emotional and sexual connection. For this reason, each couple should ask what is the level of importance of sex in their marriage, since the two parties may have a very different point of view, and in which factors as important as religion, expectations, are involved. cultural, age, sexual desire, etc.

Can you have a happy marriage without sex?

Although we find it hard to believe it, It is estimated that 1 in 5 couples live without having sexual relations. On the other hand, there are many couples who are happy in their marriage without feeling the need to have relationships, but this is something about which, explicitly or implicitly, there has been a mutual consensus.

However, according to Janet Reibstein, professor of psychology at the University of Exeter and author of the book Sexual Agreements: Marriages and Adventures, a happy celibate relationship is theoretically possible, but very rare. In fact, he explains, he has worked in this field for two decades, during which time he was able to interview a large number of happy couples to write his book, and none of them lacked sexual relations.

And he adds: “Sex is the norm, and it is the norm for a reason. One of the ways in which love and intimacy are expressed is through sexual contact. If a woman says that she and her husband are happy being celibate (or vice versa), then I would question whether the other party feels really comfortable in the relationship, or if they simply resign themselves to not having sex. ”

Anyway, the important thing to keep in mind here is that both parties need to communicate to talk openly about their vision of sex within their relationship, and put on the table if both visions are in the same place. Regardless of how the couples are, they must determine whether or not they are in a healthy marriage, whether with or without sex.

What to do to recover sexual life in marriage?

So, if you really want to recover sexual life with your partner, and there are no other underlying problems that are much more serious, we offer four tips that you can use:

Take the initiative

It is time to change and for change to come out of oneself. As simple as that. Avoid distractions and limit work overload as far as possible. Surely there are more than one or two things that can be postponed, from time to time. Instead of watching TV or playing a video game for 2 or 3 hours, do something productive for your partner, tell her how attractive she is that day, ask her how she is and above all, listen to her. Taking the first step is the most difficult, but if we manage to break the routine, our partner may react better than we expect.

Find time to be alone with the couple

A big mistake, especially in couples who have just had children, is shift numerous things to the background, including of course, sexual intercourse. At work you have to meet, children have to be cared for and at home you have to do homework, so when it is time to have sex, we are so exhausted, that we think better another day, total, that is not an obligation… It is true that newborn babies and young children eat all the time, and in the future they will also eat it, and leave little room for parents to continue to connect with each other, except for the well-being of children. Building a network of people who can attend to children from time to time, is a main thing to keep marital relations afloat. If you can't have grandparents or other family members to turn to, investing some money in a babysitter can be a very good option, even if it's only once a month, do it and take a night off, keep your sexual relationship alive, don't let it turn off slowly until there is no turning back.

Stop looking outside marriage

Everyone knows that we are immersed in a culture saturated with sexual images. It is everywhere. Especially for men, pornography, strip clubs, and even social media, offer ample opportunity to look beyond your partner in search of fleeting sexual satisfaction. We must put aside this false reality of prefabricated passion and take it back to the couple. This requires personal discipline and, above all, the sincere desire to maintain a healthy marital sexual relationship. The first step is to be honest with the other person and try to redirect the path between the two.

Build passion with facts

What is the correlation between our actions and sexual desire? It is very large, because there is a direct connection. When a husband or wife does something that helps reduce the stress of the other, they are really more likely to activate sexual desire again. Imagine the case in which the woman is stressed and tired of dealing with the children for many hours, if the husband takes them out to the park and gives her space for her to relax, take care of herself ... surely she will be more receptive on the way back. If it is the husband who is tense and irritable and the woman offers him a nice back massage to relax him… will he not appreciate it? It is said that in sexual attraction men are more visually stimulated, while women feel more motivated mentally. How many times have we heard a woman say that she "likes to be made to laugh"? Making her laugh is synonymous with reducing her stress, it's like a reflex act, and then it will be easier to open the door to intimacy. And a woman who takes care of herself, who smiles at her husband, will be giving her an attractive signal that can quickly transform into sexual desire. When problems arise, this is where both parties have to choose to be selfless and understand what the other requires. Communication brings understanding. You have to talk about these things.

To end

Sex is a basic human need that should not be considered a taboo subject. The purpose of a couple or marriage is love, understanding, intimacy and sexual relations, in order to grow build a common bond. Love and sex, even if they are very different things, can overlap, because ultimately the desire to love is accompanied by sexual desire in the couple. The rejection in this facet, if it has not been truly agreed equally, can lead to enormous resentment between the two spouses, especially if one of them feels cheated and under-served within a (apparent) healthy relationship. Such resentment can lead to all kinds of underlying problems that could create a huge ball of incommunication, dissatisfaction and emotional distancing, which can lead to divorce.

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